Lazy, Crazy Days of Coronavirus |
| By Frank Sargeant, Editor from The Fishing Wire So how much has the coronavirus pandemic impacted the country? Remember how you used to get arrested if you went in a store wearing a face mask? Now, you get arrested if you go in a store NOT wearing a face mask. Remember how your wife used to make you leave your clothes in the garage after a fishing trip? Now, you can wear your fishing clothes into the house, but you have to leave them in the garage if you go to the grocery store. Remember how your wife used to complain that you didn’t spend enough time at home? Heard that lately? “I Miss Missing You” has taken on a whole new meaning . . . . Remember how you used to hate to get up to go to work? Now, many of us are starting to just hate getting up. The carbon footprint of developed countries has plunged to levels not seen in 150 years—and environmentalists are unhappy because their donations are down. They’re giving gasoline away, and nobody wants to drive. GM is building ventilators instead of cars and trucks, and fishing tackle companies are molding medical face shields instead of lures. It’s gotten so weird that the Republicans are trying to give away public money, and the Democrats are trying to stop them! You used to shake hands with your friends and nod to your enemies. Now, you nod to your friends and give your enemies a big hug. Some are so concerned about prisoners getting coronavirus they’re releasing them, so the rest of us can be concerned about getting mugged. Crack dealers, low on customers, are selling black-market Lysol on street corners. We old farts who everyone wishes would get out of the way at Wal-Mart now have our own dedicated shopping hour—first one to the toilet paper aisle wins! And our Big Orange President has finally turned gray. Not only his orange hair but also his orange face wore more natural hues at Wednesday’s press conference. (My wife, perhaps his biggest fan, thinks it’s a change for the better.) Sniffin’ Joe has so far not commented. All we can do is muddle through, try to grin occasionally, and bear it. And maybe sneak off for a bit of fishing at our secret spot now and then. This too, like the most obnoxious of kidney stones, shall pass. |